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Damon Mitchell's avatar

What I wish I’d spoken to more in the piece is something that keeps coming up in conversations, both on and off Substack, about understood asynchronous nature of all texting platforms.

This asynchronous quality is a lawless space, which is how we generally want it (I think).

But that fact of lawlessness also pushes more work onto each unique relationship. In the cases in thinking about, it only reinforces my concerns for both parties in a world where most of us are not trained to confront discomfort.

We take our feelings and go be alone with them.

As such, we’re asking a lot of ourselves on this front. The solutions is more dialogue.

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Toku McCree's avatar

I don’t have a policy except I think that the policy ought to be that we are responsible for our expectations of others.

If you want to have a text reply agreement with me then make one. Or make a clear request in your text for me to answer by a particular time. Is this insane?!? Probably.

But most expectation leads to resentment. And so for me it’s on me if the way I communicate w someone doesn’t work for me. It’s not on them. Even if it is them.

I had this with one friend . They would say they wants to talk. I would try to set up a call and get no response. And so I talked to them. I said I love you. I’m always here if you want to talk. But I won’t chase you down for calls anymore.

We don’t talk anymore. But I also don’t resent them anymore. Because I made a clear agreement or set a boundary with them.

For me when I don’t respond there can be a lot of reasons why. But I do try to get back to people and I feel bad when I don’t.

I’m better at tracking some mediums than other. For example I almost always respond to emails but slowly. I’m most likely to forget or miss messages on linked in or Facebook.

I generally reply to texts quickly but I’m also apt to forget them because I can’t save them to return to later.

So it’s a mix. It’s why for my most important relationships. I schedule regular calls. This is the best way for me to stay connected.

So I see your point but I also wish we just had clearer agreements with what the commitment is. I think it would save us so much yeet reading.

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